I pissed off Roseanne Barr.

[NOTE: These are my final words on the matter. Time to move on to more constructive, less stressful conversation. Thank you.]

When I wrote my previous post, I really didn’t expect anyone to read it, aside from some of my queer friends. If that. This is a new blog with little tread, and I have no illusions about my reach. But I felt the need to wrestle with the TERF phenomenon, and for me, wrestling means writing.

My initial draft of the post read like an angry tirade. I do not like my friends being vilified nor my own identity dismissed. Towards the end of my tirade, however, I realized that I was writing about real people with real experiences. Remembering I should never treat people as mere objects of my anger, I revised the post to make it as polite, but honest, as I could. 

I posted the blog. WordPress published a link to Twitter, per usual. And then, I learned that people DO pay attention to me, provided I piss them off!

If you’d like to see some of of the Twitter chatter that occurred, go to @bunnygoth. As far as attacks go, they were fairly mild. Considering what I’ve read on Twitter in the past, I certainly could have received worse treatment. But I insisted on being polite to them, and perhaps that toned down the rhetoric. I did not want to be one angry Tweeter arguing with another random Tweeter. I wanted to be a human responding to another human.

That, however, does not mean that the TERFs’ tweets didn’t hurt.

THEY. HURT. LIKE. HELL. Did I mention, like hell? I have an anxiety disorder and PTSD. I was rocking in my chair, trying to recover from the feeling of a punch to my gut. It felt just like being bullied. I am just coming to terms with my genderfluid identity, to being under the transgender umbrella. One tweeter made fun of my calling trans* people “vulnerable”, but I am. Flaws and beauty and all.

To their credit, I suppose, many told me they do not hate trans people or are not motivated by hate. All well and good, but motivation and intention are very different from action and effect. If your actions are experienced as hateful, then you are still contributing to hate.

Another person told me I hadn’t done my homework. Fair enough – there is always more to learn. Once my family and friends calmed me down, I read up on blogs and tweets. I have to admit that yes, I do understand their arguments better now than I did before. And while I appreciate the place of pain and oppression from which their anti-trans sentiment arises, I still reject the bases for their arguments. I believe modern queer theory is more logical and in line with human experience, and that actions based on the TERF belief system are hurtful. I only wish they could walk in my boots.

The most surprising tweet I received was from Roseanne Barr. Yes, THAT Roseanne Barr (@TheRealRoseanne). The woman I (once) admired. I did hear recently that she had anti-trans views, so it wasn’t a complete surprise. Perhaps I should be flattered that a celebrity found me worthy of disdain. She retweeted @carregonnen’s tweet which called my blog post a “load of sad nonsense”.

In case you think I’m joking.

I have to admit, my jaw dropped to the floor after receiving THAT notification. It was like icing on a sad, sad cake.

To be fair, when I asked the Tweeters to keep me out of further discussion, they did comply (well, except one) and I appreciated that. If one of them is reading this, I thank you for that measure of respect. If you could have disagreed politely first without calling my post bullshit, that would have been politer, but I understand it’s easy to get angry over the Internet. Really, I do.

Still, I’ll be honest. I felt rather sad indeed reading @carregonnen’s tweet for the first time. My loving mother was sitting nearby, and I’m glad she was there to keep me grounded. I berated myself for daring to speak my mind. I cursed the Universe for making me as I am. How dare I stand up to bigots, even if they don’t consider themselves bigots!

Then again, neither do most racists or sexists or others who single out certain classes of people. And if TERFs have every right to speak their mind and espouse their views, then so do I. And if they thought THEY were pissed off…well, again, I wish they could walk in my boots. Or those of murdered transwomen. Or of the agender teen whose skirt was lit on fire.

Because ultimately, that is why I write A Queer Misfit and do social justice work in the first place. I’m tired of people suffering at the hands of others for merely being themselves. I will do my best to speak non-violently and without unnecessary anger, to remember that my adversaries are fellow people with their own experiences. Just as importantly, I must speak my peace.

No matter how many times my writing or identities are called bullshit, nonexistent, a load of sad nonsense, or otherwise, I will write my truth. No matter how many times I panic or fall into depression over how others treat me, online or in person, I will write my truth. As long as people need to understand and feel compassion for one another, I will try to reconcile.

I will write my truth.

[Please note: If this blog post pissed you off, you’re welcome to express your anger on Twitter or any other social media. I only ask that you respectfully leave me and my anxiety out of it. I believe a diversity of opinion can be written without disrespect and harassment. Thank you.]